How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just gargled with NyQuil
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