She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
