gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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