I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
