why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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