im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
