You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize