i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
