so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
