he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it hurts more in the daytime
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
