Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize