If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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