By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
