Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
