i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
