Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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