Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
