so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
