I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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