Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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