Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
