she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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