she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
