Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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