he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
