I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
