If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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