I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize