just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
