bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
