Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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