Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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