Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize