my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
