I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
