I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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