the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
