Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
