Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
