one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize