Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize