I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
