I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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