8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
