She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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