I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
