i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
