I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
