You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
