No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
