Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We left the knife in your bed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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