Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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