Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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