we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
