Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
