He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
