She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
