A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
