he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
