He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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