the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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