you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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