I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize