your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
