gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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