we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
