i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
