I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
