Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Randomize
