Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
