Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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