I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
