Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
