woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize