oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
