awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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