You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
