I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
