im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
