mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
